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Sunday, June 29, 2014

Riding High

Author and Comedian Mike Buzzelli 
Riding the bus is a lot like having a prostate exam. In both cases, I close my eyes and wait for it to be over. I prefer riding and leaving the driving to someone else. Besides, the bus driver is bolder than I am and cuts in front of people. I secretly like cutting in front of people, especially as a passenger where I am not at the mercy of their ire and/or finger.

I wake up at 6 a.m., get ready for work and look forward to going back to sleep on the seven o’clock bus. At least, I attempt to sleep. Invariably, a loud talker gets on a few stops later. I’m a loud guy, but I’m fairly quiet before nine.

Occasionally, my friend Laura will ride the bus and I’ll catch up with her. We are probably annoying some other like-minded individual who just wants to rest his eyes.

She wasn’t on the bus yesterday. The loud talker was. He was complaining about a coworker. Apparently, his coworker doesn’t do any work. I want one of these jobs where you just have to show up and look pretty. I could do half of that job well. Loud Talker’s coworker also comes in “when he feels like it.” I wish Loud Talker would follow his lazy companion’s lead and go to work later. Then, he wouldn’t be on my bus.

Also on the bus are two Indian people who speak entirely in Hindi. I assume one of them is complaining about a coworker. It’s almost more frustrating to hear them because I don’t know what they’re saying. It could be, “Look at that idiot trying to sleep.”

Actually, it is funny watching other people nap or attempt to nap on the bus. I watch as their heads bob up and down. It’s really fun when we hit a bump and they leap up startled. No, it’s not funny when that old woman hit her head on the handlebar above her seat. OK. Maybe it was a little funny. In the “Oh my God, I’m going to hell for laughing at people” kind of way.

Mike Buzzelli is an author and stand up comedian. His book, Below Average Genius, a collection of humor articles compiled from his weekly column in the Observer-Reporter can be purchased here: http://www.amazon.com/Below-Average-Genius-Michael-Buzzelli-ebook/dp/B008Y2RDW4/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404091875&sr=1-1&keywords=below+average+genius

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

OUT OF ORDER Standup Comedy Show at Arcade Comedy Theater: Friday, June 28, 2014

OUT OF ORDER Standup Comedy Show at Arcade Comedy Theater

Friday, June 28, 2014 @ 10pm

Shannon Norman
Andy Picarro
Mark David
Mike Sasson
Ed Bailey

Arcade Comedy Theater
811 Liberty Avenue Downtown Pittsburgh

Fork Full of Noodles with Krish Mohan Ep. 43 Citizenship Crisis Part 3-Sex Appeal by Exclusion

Krish finds a sponsor the show and adds some sex appeal to the show. This is part 3 of a 4 part series.

Written by: Krish Mohan, Derek MintoIsaac KozellDay Bracey, Ray Zawodni (Follow @RealLifeZawodni) & Molly Sharrow Starring: Krish Mohan, Derek Minto (Follow @BringstheRuckus), Cason Male (Follow @CasonMale), Chels Sweithelm (Follow @CSweithelm), Justin Vetter (Follow @JustVetter), Zach Funk (@FunkedPOV), Brett Goodnack (Follow @BrettMyPeopleGo), Ray Zawodni & Mike Buzzelli Directed by: Krish Mohan Music by: Max Somerville Cinematography by: Alex Murphy (Follow @AlexCMurphy) & Mary Stewart Editing by: Alex Murphy

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Too Many Z's

Author and Comedian Mike Buzzelli 

I took a bad nap. I have friends who would argue there is no such thing as a bad nap, but this was a bad nap. I was looking forward to closing my eyes for a few minutes. Three hours later, I awoke feeling worse than I did before I fell asleep. I caught more Z’s than I anticipated.

I had dressed right before I took my three-hour tour of dreamland. Jeans just aren’t appropriate sleepwear. My Polo shirt got caught on my belt, and it was strangling me when I bolted upright. I looked at the time. At first, I thought my alarm clock was deceiving me. I have accused it of lying to me before, but it turns out this time it was telling the truth

Side note: Once, I woke up from a nap at 8:08 and, in my somnolent state, I stared at the clock and said, “It’s BOB. It’s Bob o’ clock? That can’t be right.” Blame the boxy digital letters. My alarm clock looks like a calculator from the late-seventies.

I don’t know why this happens in naps, but I woke up with a crease across my forehead. It was the zipper line from the pillow. Normally, the zipper would have been hidden by the pillowcase, but I must have been thrashing around in my sleep. My sheets were all askew. I assume it was caused by my attempt to get comfortable in my street clothes before falling into my mid-afternoon coma. Either that, or I was being chased by Freddy Krueger. Of course, I hear Mr. Krueger rarely ventures off Elm Street.

When I woke, I realized that I had 15 minutes to get downtown. I had theater tickets. There was no way I was going to make it without a DeLorean or TARDIS, but I had to make an effort. Luckily, I wasn’t IN the show.

Like an extra on “The Walking Dead,” I shuffled to the car. A shower would have awakened me, but I didn’t have time.

For the rest of the story, click here: http://www.observer-reporter.com/article/20140620/COLUMN0701/140629982#.U6cDnfldWf4

Mike Buzzelli is an author and stand up comedian. His book, "Below Average Genius," a collection of humor essays culled from his weekly humor column at the Observer-Reporter, can be found here: 

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Pop-Up-Video IMPROV with MIssy Moreno, Aaron Kleiber and Shannon Norman at Arcade Comedy Theater: June 20, 2014

Comedians and pop-music connoisseurs
Aaron Kleiber, Shannon Norman and Missy Moreno team up to riff on some of the worst music videos they can find from the 1990's!
Along with their favorite picks - the audience will get to pick their FAVORITE 90's music videos for the comedians to riff on!

$10/$5 student rush | BYOB
Arcade Comedy Theater 811 Liberty Avenue, Downtown Pittsburgh

More info/tickets:

You Can't Handle the Truth: LIVE Film Review Podcast with Sean Collier and Aaron Kleiber at Arcade Comedy Theater: Thursday, June 19, 2014

with Sean Collier and Aaron Kleiber!
Thursday, June 19th at 7PM!

The hit movie review podcast is making its live debut at the Arcade Comedy Theater in a never-before-attempted event. 

Attend a FREE movie screening of a truly awful horror film at 7pm and then stick around for the fireworks, as Sean, Aaron, and special guests Scott Simmons and Margee Kerr from SCAREHOUSE dissect the film!

... the film is Deathbed: The Bed that Eats

JUST $5 :: get tickets online & get FREE BYOB passes!

More info:

Loser: A Live Action Game Show at Arcade Comedy Theater: June 18, 2014

Wednesday, June 18th, 8pm at Arcade Comedy Theater!

An Olympiad of Pop Culture!

A four-part game show, Loser., begins with music trivia and a slightly skewed version of “Don’t Forget the Lyrics.” The show then moves to its video game portion where contestants are awarded points for both their gaming skills and ability to complement those skills with pizza rolls. Shifting to contestant’s ability to draw superheroes into real-life scenarios in the show’s third round, the game ends with a local sketch group performing a dark and occasionally offensive fan-fiction version of a popular sitcom. Holding this madness together are co-hosts Essig and Ward, pop-culture aficionados whose humor provides a backbone for what would otherwise be an unwieldy plethora of cultural delights.
Hosted by Jeremy Essig & Chris Ward
Featuring Pittsburgh standup/improv performers!

WEBSITE: http://facebook.com/losershameshow

TWITTER: HTTP://TWITTER.COM/losershameshow

JUST $5 | 16+ | BYOB
Arcade Comedy Theater 811 Liberty Avenue, Downtown Pittsburgh

Fork Full of Noodles with Krish Mohan Ep. 42 Citizenship Crisis Part 2-Sponsorship

Fork Full of Noodles has lost it's Internet Citizenship and Krish & the Writers need to find some sponsors to fund the show! This is part 2 of a 4 part series.

Written by: Krish Mohan, Derek MintoIsaac KozellDay Bracey, Ray Zawodni (Follow @RealLifeZawodni) & Molly Sharrow
Starring: Krish Mohan, Derek Minto (Follow @BringstheRuckus), Cason Male (Follow @CasonMale), Chels Sweithelm (Follow @CSweithelm), Justin Vetter (Follow @JustVetter), Zach Funk (@FunkedPOV), Brett Goodnack (Follow @BrettMyPeopleGo), Ray Zawodni & Mike Buzzelli
Directed by: Krish Mohan
Music by: Max Somerville
Cinematography by: Alex Murphy (Follow @AlexCMurphy) & Mary Stewart
Editing by: Alex Murtphy

Monday, June 16, 2014

COMEDY SAUCE starts Monday, June 16th at THE PLEASURE BAR, Bloomfield - EVERY MONDAY

****UPDATED DECEMBER 30th, 2014****
Starting January 6th - no longer an open mic BUT NOW - 10 of the best up-and-coming comedians  - SHOWCASE STYLE!
COMEDY SAUCE starts Monday, June 16th at THE PLEASURE BAR, Bloomfield - EVERY MONDAY
COMEDY SAUCE, Pleasure Bar, Bloomfield - Up-and-Coming Comedians with special showcase guests, 9:30PM, NO COVER, Hosted by Aaron Kleiber, $2 Domestic Beers and Well Drinks, Sign-up to perform by 8:45PM, LIMITED SPOTS - 4729 Liberty Ave Pittsburgh, PA 15224

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Comedian and Author Mike Buzzelli 

Holy Thor, you guys. I was almost struck by lightning this week. Wednesday, I was walking out of a grocery store and into a monsoon.

We won’t name the store, but here’s a hint: It’s the one Little Orphan Annie bet on. A thunderous crack of lightning struck the parking lot. It felt like the bolt was all around me. It struck in front of me. I thought I was hit. Ironically, I thought there would be no tomorrow (now, I’m just giving away the name of the store).

I’ve never been afraid of weather before. I knew it could kill me.

All winter I thought I would freeze in my tracks, walking from the bus stop to the office. I half expected to be a Micicle in February.

Also, you hear about guys dropping dead shoveling the driveway, but technically that’s a heart attack, and any good insurance man would say it wasn’t the weather that killed them.

Side note: Oddly enough, this was not my first near miss with lightning. When I was 13, my then-uncle Mark picked me up from summer theater camp (Hence, the reason I know songs from “Annie!”), and a bolt of lightning struck in front of his car. He tried to swerve out of the way, but we drove right into it. I was 13, and that was a long, long, long time ago, but I remember the car sizzled. I think the rubber on the tires protected us. Only my then-uncle Mark could verify the details. As he was an uncle by marriage, he is a un-uncle by divorce, and could not be reached for comment.

Wednesday, I darted to the car. Another bolt struck. It was farther away, but at this point, I was terrified. I got inside the car, safe and sound. Then, I noticed that the parking lot was deserted.

The smart people stayed in the grocery store and waited for the rain to let up a little. I made a pact with God. I asked Him, “Could I not die in a weather-related incident? That would be stupid.” I don’t know if He agreed. God, also, could not be reached for comment.

For the rest of this story, click here: http://www.observer-reporter.com/article/20140613/COLUMN0701/140619781#.U55KQ_ldWf4

Mike Buzzelli is the author of "Below Average Genius," a collection of essays culled from his columns in the Observer-Reporter. To buy a copy of "Below Average Genius," click here: 

Friday, June 13, 2014

10 Chances to Catch Live Comedy at Arcade

Arcade Comedy Theater is having another gigantic weekend of comedy, with ten different shows that offer something funny for everyone! Starting tonight at 8pm with an all-ages show, continuing tomorrow with Three Rivers Arts and Pride shows, and concluding with Bonus Stage on Sunday... we've got more comedy than any other venue in the Burgh.
Here's a complete schedule of EVERYTHING going on this weekend!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Fork Full of Noodles has lost it's Internet Citizenship and Krish & the Writers have some obstacles to face to get it back! This is part 1 of a 4 part series. This was also a Live show a part of the Pittsburgh Fringe Festival 2014.

Written by: Krish Mohan, Derek MintoIsaac KozellDay Bracey, Ray Zawodni (Follow @RealLifeZawodni) & Molly Sharrow
Starring: Krish Mohan, Derek Minto (Follow @BringstheRuckus), Cason Male (Follow @CasonMale), Chels Sweithelm (Follow @CSweithelm), Justin Vetter (Follow @JustVetter), Zach Funk (@FunkedPOV), Brett Goodnack (Follow @BrettMyPeopleGo), Ray Zawodni & Mike Buzzelli
Directed by: Krish Mohan
Music by: Max Somerville
Cinematography by: Alex Murphy (Follow @AlexCMurphy) & Mary Stewart
Editing by: Alex Murtphy

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

LAUGHSBURGH Standup Comedy at CLUB CAFE: Jeff Konkle, Tim Ross and more: Friday, June 13, 2014

Laughsburgh Stand Up Comedy Show, Friday June 13th, Club Cafe @ 56-58 S.12th St, tickets available atwww.clubcafelive.com for 8$. or 10$ the night of. Hosted by Erick Williams, with Tim Ross, Ed Bailey, and headlined by Jeff Konkle.

Facebook link is here

Sunday, June 8, 2014

The Old Name Game

Author and Comedian Mike Buzzelli

My friend Brian and I went to an art exhibit opening this week. We were out being the bon vivants of 'Burgh Vivant, a local culture website where we discuss theater, art, music and film in Pittsburgh. I get to see plays and write reviews about them. It’s nice work if you can get it.

I know that going to an art gallery exhibit sounds hoity-toity, but it was really about trying to drink free booze and look at paintings of naked people.

At one point, someone came up to me and started chatting. After a few minutes, Brian wandered away. When I circled back to him, he jokingly said, “Who’s your friend?”

For the record, he was joking, because he said it like Leslie Ann Warren’s gun moll in “Victor/Victoria.” But, like Ms. Scarlet, I didn’t have a “Clue.” I told him, “I don’t remember his name.”

I’m not good with names and faces, which is odd because I have both a name and a face.

Usually, when I’m hanging out with friends I have to prep them. I have a series of hand signals my friends are supposed to memorize, like a baseball coach.

When I clasp my hands together it’s my friends’ signal to introduce each other. When I tug on my ear it means it’s time to leave: It’s the old Carol-Burnett-I’m-So-Glad-We-Had-This-Time-Together signal. When I put my hand to my nose, it means you’ve followed instructions perfectly; that one is from charades. Sometimes, it just means I have the sniffles.

I have a backup plan for when I forget to brief someone about the hand gestures. I’m going to share this with you in case you have a similar problem. I’ll say, “I’m off to the men’s room. Introduce yourselves.”

You can only pull that one once or twice a night before you risk getting a speech about your prostate health. At a party with a bunch of medical professionals, I was told to drink more cranberry juice.

For the rest of the story, click here:

(Mike Buzzelli is a stand up comedian and author. His book, "Below Average Genius," a collection of humor columns from the Observer-Reporter, can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/Below-Average-Genius-Michael-Buzzelli-ebook/dp/B008Y2RDW4/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1402246873&sr=1-1&keywords=below+average+genius

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

THE LIVE SHOW with Aaron Kleiber (Sketch, Standup and more!) at Arcade Comedy Theater: Friday, June 6th 2014

Finally, Aaron Kleiber has a "Late" show! (said no one)
Join us for Aaron's ridiculous version of a "Late Show" that may or may not be real... with sketches, games, guests and hijinks.

Special guests:
Pittsburgh Dad creators, Curt Wootton and Chris Preksta - talking the origin of 'Dad' and the 'Pittsburgh Dad' film!

The Live Show cast includes some of Pittsburgh's funniest humans:
Matt Light, Shannon Norman, Missy Moreno, Jethro Nolen, Norlex Belma, Collin Chamberlain and MORE!

LIVE at Arcade Comedy Theater!
8pm, $10/$5 students - and BYOB!!!

STAY for the 10PM
(Dirty Standup Show)!
Featuring the cast of THE LIVE SHOW!

Sunday, June 1, 2014

High Anxiety!

Author and Comedian Mike Buzzelli 

When I moved to Los Angeles, I took a job as a messenger. I had to drive all around a city I didn’t know. It was a great way to learn about my new environment. It was also a great way to get lost.

One of my assignments was to take a package to the top of a mountain. An actual mountain. Located on the Santa Monica Mountains is Piuma Ridge. There is a paved street, Piuma Road, that goes all the way to the top of Malibu. It is a steep, twisty road that goes up and up and up (and up and up). At the very top there is a small enclave of houses. The view is breathtaking. You can see the ocean and, well, everything. I wouldn’t want to live there. It takes 30 minutes to get down the mountain. That’s a long way to go if you forgot milk at the grocery store. I guess you’re eating your cereal dry.

I was a little frightened on the trip up. I was on the clock, so I had to go or get fired, acrophobia be damned. On the way up, someone was trying to pass me because I was going too slowly. I was not pulling over, because I was afraid I’d pull all the way over to oblivion. It was pretty much paved road and cliff. Drive or die. He honked until he had enough courage to go around me.

Once I made my first trip, I knew it was a safe place to sightsee. I returned several times with visitors. All of them cried on the way up the mountain. My mom and my Aunt Terri were so terrified, they even peed their pants a little. I’m like a haunted house. I delight in terrorizing my friends and family.

I have to stress that it’s a real road, paved, with two-way traffic. Except for the view, it was not all that scary.

Last week, I was with my Aunt Terri and we drove through Cacapon State Park in West Virginia. At one point, my aunt saw a sign that said, “Mountain View.” We decided to go up. We must have very short memories.

She was driving. The road became a bumpy, dirt road that twisted to the top. We were surrounded by trees, until we weren’t. We reached a clearing and we could see for miles downward. She started to sweat. I got scared because the road became wide enough for only one car. I started to laugh, because when I’m scared, I laugh. That’s normal, right?

For the rest of this article, click here: http://www.observer-reporter.com/article/20140530/COLUMN0701/140539977#.U4tJP_ldWf4

Mike Buzzelli is an author and stand up comedian. His book, "Below Average Genius," a collection of essays from his column at the Observer-Reporter can be found here; http://www.amazon.com/Below-Average-Genius-Michael-Buzzelli/dp/1605949310/ref=sr_1_1_title_1_pap?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1401031227&sr=1-1&keywords=below+average+genius