Monday, April 7, 2014

Blades of Gory by MIKE BUZZELLI

Author/Comedian: Mike Buzzelli

I have been called accident-prone in my day. I’ve never been rushed to the hospital to have a garden implement removed from my body. I hit myself in the face with a rake once. For the record, I was not acting out Sideshow Bob scenes from “The Simpsons.” The rake was stuck on a clump of grass. I pulled and it came loose a little faster than I had anticipated. Rake met face. It was not a friendly encounter.

Before I can be crowned king of the klutzes, I’d like you to meet James Valentine. Earlier this week, Valentine took a chainsaw to his chest. Alas, he was not re-enacting a scene from “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” Valentine is a tree-trimmer who had an unfortunate accident while trimming a tree. He got the chainsaw embedded in his chest. The X-ray scared the bejeezus out of me. Somehow, Valentine survived.

I’m terrified of chainsaws. It’s my second biggest fear. I self-diagnosed myself with kanalineophobia. Technically, it’s a fear of blades. There is no actual name for a fear of chainsaws, but there should be. They are scary. I blame Leatherface from the aforementioned “Massacre” movie. They’ve made, like, 20 of those. I’ve seen zero of them. I’m not going to go see any movie where people are hacked up with items from Home Depot.

For the rest of the story, go here:

Mike Buzzelli is an author and comedian. His book, Below Average Genius, was the number one book in humor on Amazon for two weeks, when it was beaten by a fart book. 
For information on his book, or to purchase a copy, go here:

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