Wednesday, July 24, 2013

ARIES SPEARS from MadTV at the Pittsburgh Improv: July 25-28, 2013

 
Thu - Sun, Jul 25th - 28th
Aries Spears with Aaron Kleiber
Aries Spears: Ever since Chicago native Aries Spears was 14 years old, he has been a force to be reckoned with in the comedy scene throughout America. His quick wit, charisma and ferociously aggressive style of have...

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

PREVIEW: Pittsburgh Comedians' Softball Game BY JAMES J. HAMILTON

By James J. Hamilton (Pittsburgh Comedy Intramural Sports Beat Writer)
Team captains Zach Funk and Brad Ryan displaying
a disappointing lack of hatred for each another
BLOOMFIELD—At noon on Sunday, July 28, approximately 25 of Pittsburgh's most self-described "comedians" will meet at Wilson Park in Green Tree to play softball. Last night, captains Brad Ryan and Brad Ryan Spirit Award winner Zach Funk got together at the Pleasure Bar open mic to draft their teams.

The lack of excitement was palpable. "Oh, right, I guess that softball thing is happening this weekend" was the prevailing attitude. Instead of a lot of trash talking, the comedians mostly did the only other thing they're good at: Not giving a shit. At press time, the captains had not even come up with wildly inappropriate team names yet.

Here are the teams, if anyone cares:
The draft board
Brad Ryan's team
1. Tom Musial
2. Tom Kupiec
3. Ron Renwick
4. Day Bracey
5. John Dick Winters
6. Sean Collier
7. Jeff Konkle
8. Matt Wohlfarth
9. Ed K. [I assume he still wants his name redacted]
10. Tim Ross
11. Amber Schiefer  

Brad Ryan said his draft strategy was to target "veterans," but Matt Light told him "your team's average age is 46." Ryan pointed out that Tom Kupiec played college baseball, but Aaron Kleiber said "that was 45 years ago, when he still had all his fingers." "I probably should have mentioned that I am not actually related to Stan Musial," said first overall pick Tom Musial, who reportedly has fifteen children who are older than most of the players on the opposing team. During an interview in which he denied age would be a problem for his team, Ryan was called "sir" by a younger woman.

But not all of Ryan's players are AARP members. One relatively young person is John Dick Winters, who looked at his team's roster and said it was "the least funny team in history."  

But not all of Ryan's players are unfunny. Ryan decided to "go for comedy" as opposed to athletic ability with his seventh round pick of Jeff Konkle, whose "one year of fifth grade little league experience" will be put to the test.

Early reports say Ryan's team is a big underdog, but anything can happen on the field. "It's not a Brad Ryan team until I outrun police helicopters and tear gas is shot onto the field," said Ryan.

Zach Funk's team
1. Ray Zawodni
2. Matt Light
3. Aaron Kleiber
4. Dustin Dowling
5. Derek Minto
6. Zach Simons
7. Sereny Welsby
8. Shannon Norman
9. Alex Stypula
10. Jesse Irvin
11. John Pridmore

Zach Funk said he drafted his team with a Moneyball-like system of player analysis called "Funkametrics." Using Funkametrics, Funk looked at a composite of the player's overall body type compared to the 1993 World Series-losing Philadelphia Phillies, averaged in the player's funniness, and then just picked people he thought would do well. 

On the '93 Phillies factor, Funk ended up drafting several players with "good John Kruk bodies." On the funniness factor, Funk's team has a total of one television creditEither because of or in spite of Funkametrics, Funk drafted a team that has been described as "nasty." 
John Kruk: A comedian's physique
Matt Light asked confidently "Will we use a 10 run rule, or 35?" Light said he hopes to win the game's MVP award in order to complete his quest for a "Triple Crown" which already includes the comedians' flag football game MVP and the comedians' fantasy football league championship. "Those are my only accomplishments in comedy," he added.

"I'm probably gonna have to go shirtless and scalp myself this time," said Alex Stypula, who also announced plans to charge the mound and hit a lot of "quadruples." Funk said he drafted Stypula because he figured "if he's on my team, he's less likely to assault me with a bat." We'll see.

Funk said his team has youth on its side. "Everyone should be able to run 90 feet," he predicted boldly. Funk also stated that getting drunk is an integral part of softball and that he expected his team to be proficient in that regard. 

In the end, everything could come down to John Pridmore's ability to swing a bat while holding a can of Colt 45.

_______________________________________
James J. Hamilton is a comedian from Pittsburgh whose awesome genius is matched only by his incredible humility.  He has performed at the Pittsburgh Improv, the Arcade Comedy Theater, the DVE Comedy Festival, and many other illustrious places including dive bars, bowling alleys, public parks, Juggalo coffeehouses, and yogurt shops.  You're missing out on a life-affirming experience if you don't follow him on Twitter and read his blog.  If you want to hire him to tell masturbation jokes at your son's bar mitzvah or if you have any sexy pictures of Natalie Portman you'd like to share, contact jamesjhamiltoncomedy@gmail.com.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Aaron Kleiber, makes television standup debut on Gotham Comedy Live!


Gotham Comedy Live featuring Aaron Kleiber
Filmed and aired LIVE at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York City on July 11th, 2013
Hosted by Jim Breuer (Saturday Night Live, Half Baked)
This episode also featured Ashley Austin Morris, Mitch Fatel & Dean Edwards.
(Edited from original hour episode)

VISIT http://www.AXS.TV for their program guide and info about LIVE COMEDY EVERY THURSDAY - AND find it from your local cable provider!

FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE: @aaronkleiber on Facebook, Twitter, Vine, Instagram
http://www.AaronKleiber.com

Friday, July 19, 2013

Stunned Public Learns Detroit Wasn't Bankrupt Until Just Now BY JAMES J. HAMILTON

DETROITThe city of Detroit filed for Chapter 9 bankruptcy yesterday, completely and utterly shocking millions of Americans who had been under the impression that Detroit had gone bankrupt a while ago. Victoria Sullivan of Toledo, Ohio expressed her amazement that a city with 78,000 abandoned buildings and $18 billion in long-term liabilities had actually been in a position to meet its obligations to creditors up until yesterday. "I couldn't believe it," said Oliver Burke of Tampa, Florida. "I mean, you saw 8 Mile, right? That came out over ten years ago. How can they just now be running out of money?"

_________________________
James J. Hamilton is a comedian from Pittsburgh whose awesome genius is matched only by his incredible humility.  He has performed at the Pittsburgh Improv, the Arcade Comedy Theater, the DVE Comedy Festival, and many other illustrious places including dive bars, bowling alleys, public parks, Juggalo coffeehouses, and yogurt shops.  You're missing out on a life-affirming experience if you don't follow him on Twitter and read his blog.  If you want to hire him to tell masturbation jokes at your son's bar mitzvah or if you have any sexy pictures of Natalie Portman you'd like to share, contact jamesjhamiltoncomedy@gmail.com.

STEVE TREVINO at the Pittsburgh Improv: July 18-21, 2013

Thu - Sun, Jul 18th - 21st
Steve Trevino
Steve Trevino: Steve Trevino was born in Gregory-Portland, Texas and got started in stand-up comedy when he told jokes in his 2nd grade talent show.  At a young age he was performing anywhere he could, from to...

Monday, July 8, 2013

“There Is No Such Thing As A Brontosaurus,” Exacting Dad Informs Disillusioned 8 Year Old Son BY JAMES J. HAMILTON



PITTSBURGH—A local 8 year old boy’s budding fascination with dinosaurs was dealt a serious blow yesterday when his father bluntly informed him that there is no dinosaur called “Brontosaurus.”  Bob Troutman was sitting on the couch reading a newspaper after dinner Monday evening when his wife Debra asked their son Kevin what his favorite dinosaur was.  Kevin, who was playing with dinosaur toys on the living room floor at the time, held up the figure of a long-necked herbivore and said enthusiastically “Brontosaurus!”  This declaration prompted Troutman to look up from his newspaper and tell his son that “there is no Brontosaurus.”  He advised the third grader that while it is true that in 1879 paleontologist Othniel Charles Marsh announced the discovery of a new species of dinosaur which he called Brontosaurus and unveiled a near-complete skeleton that captured the public imagination, Elmer Riggs subsequently published a paper in the 1903 edition of Geological Series of the Field Columbian Museum arguing that Brontosaurus was not different from another species that Marsh himself had discovered in 1877 and named Apatosaurus.  Over his son’s loud sobbing and his wife’s pleas to “just let it go,” Troutman went on to explain that Riggs’s opinion has come to be universally accepted and that, according to rules of the International Code of Zoological Nomenclature, the name Apatosaurus takes priority because it was published first and is hence the dinosaur’s official name.  After receiving this information, Kevin dropped his toys and ran out of the living room.  He was last seen throwing a rock through the window of a warehouse down the street from his home with two other boys whom his grandmother has described as “juvenile delinquents.”  Troutman reportedly spent the remainder of the evening composing a long discourse intended to refute his 6 year old daughter’s continued belief in the Tooth Fairy.

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James J. Hamilton is a comedian from Pittsburgh whose awesome genius is matched only by his incredible humility.  You're missing out on a life-affirming experience if you don't follow him on Twitter and read his blog.  If you want to hire him to tell masturbation jokes at your son's bar mitzvah or if you have any sexy pictures of Natalie Portman you'd like to share, contact jamesjhamiltoncomedy@gmail.com.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Happy Fourth of July! Aaron Kleiber watches INDEPENDENCE DAY! "Watch It for You" Every Monday with @aaronkleiber


HOLIDAY THROWBACK!!
"Watch It for You"
Pittsburgh Comedian, Aaron Kleiber
(2012 & 2013 Pittsburgh Magazine Best Comic)

Don't wanna go see a movie in the theater? Don't wanna spend $12?
Aaron watches the movie in the theater for you - then tells you all about every Monday!

Shot/Edited by @thebeardyboy

GET THAT SHIRT: http://www.GoodsandEvil.com

FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE:
@aaronkleiber on Facebook, Twitter, Vine, Instagram
http://www.AaronKleiber.com

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

DANNY PALUMBO at Arcade Comedy Theater with JOHN EVANS, TIM ROSS & JEFF KONKLE: July 5th, 2013


TWO SHOWS: 8PM & 10PM
$10/$5 Student ID
16+ BYOB


An incredible night of stand-up comedy featuring Pittsburgh native (and Austin TX resident!) Danny Palumbo.

Danny Palumbo is a New Castle, PA native, cutting his teeth in the Pittsburgh standup scene - now living in Austin, Texas. He has been invited to perform at the Moontower Comedy Festival, FunFunFunFest, and the Cincinnati Brew Ha-Ha.

Also featuring: John Evans (Live at Gotham/Last Comic Standing) and Tim Ross. Hosted by Jeff Konkle (Pgh Improv Favorite).