Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Little Italy Days: FREE COMEDY SHOW at the Pleasure Bar; September 28, 2012


Friday, September 28th, 2012 @ 11PM
Part of Little Italy Days in Bloomfield (graphic attached)
FREE COMEDY SHOW
Featuring:
Vinny Fasline
Matt Light
Shannon Norman
Dan Jenniches
Hosted by Aaron Kleiber (Pittsburgh Magazine's 2012 Best Comedian)

Friday, September 21, 2012

Lower the Jolly Roger: by MATT BOWER

Remember back just a handful of weeks when Bucs’ fans were forming those Z signs with their hands in reverence of Zoltan, the space god from the dreadful film Dude, Where’s My Car? Apparently, every time the Z sign was flashed, Zoltan was summoned to inhabit the body of a Pirate’s player and temporarily boost his talent in a key on-field situation, kind of like an office work taking a shot of 5 Hour Energy to push through a critical conference call. Well, the 5 hours ran out in early August. Perhaps Zoltan got sick of being disturbed from his intergalactic peace to bolt to PNC Park and add an extra 20 feet to what would normally be a routine fly ball. Now he’s extracting revenge by leaving a pregame turd in each of the players’ lockers.
I have a slightly different theory, however. It starts with placing the primary blame on should-be-beer-league catcher Rod Barajas for being the first to publically flashing the Z on May 8th, after belting that walk-off home run. I believe that marks THE moment that the Pittsburgh Pirates sold their soul to Zoltan in exchange for three months of exceptional baseball. The problem is the Pirates didn’t have enough soul to sell in order to purchase the last two months of the regular season. (I’m surprised they had any soul to sell after first basemen Randall Simon clocked that racing sausage with a bat back on ’03.) I submit that Zoltan’s contract to the team expired on August 11th, during the 5th inning when James McDonalds gave up seven runs to the Padres.
Peek at the standings today—fourth place! Enraged Yinzer protestors are storming sports bars and burning the Jolly Roger. I saw a shaky YouTube video of an effigy of Eric Bedard being torn to shreds on Federal Street. Barajas worshippers went from kneeing in the direction of PNC Park and chanting “Rod is good,” to loading their hotdog guns with the beheaded bobble heads of faded prospects and preparing to storm Bob Nutting’s panic room.
You know, if you make the Z sign, and turn the top backhand 45 degrees toward your body, the Z morphs into an L?
I think Bucs’ fans have learned an important lesson, besides realizing that hope is like a corked bat that is bound to crack in half in front of an umpire. Sports teams, regardless of their shortcomings or utter lack of marginal talent, should never invoke a god to boost their performance. First of all, it’s unsportsmanlike. If Ryan Braun can’t inject HGH in his ass, the Pirates shouldn’t be injecting demigods in their bats, even if that deity has a minus 3 W.A.R.D. (wins above replacement deity). Perhaps poetic justice is being served by this late season collapse. I recommend that Major League baseball test for supernatural spirits in every clubhouse beginning next year. I’m pretty sure Lord Voldemort has been on the Yankees payroll for years.


-------
Matt Bower is a performer with the Cellar Dwellers.
Check out his novel Save Me, Rip Orion at:
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/233114

Comedy Benefit for Homewood YMCA: Sept 22, 2012



Come out and support the Homewood -Brushton YMCA as we do their first annual Laugh Out Loud Comedy Show.
This is a fundraiser towards the YMCA Building Brides Campaign. 
Hosted by Pgh's own "COMEDIAN  TY MAC" .Ty is a vet in the comedy biz he's been seen HBO Def Comedy Jam and BET Comicview & The Pittsburgh/Cleveland Improv Comedy Club.
Featuring funny ladies Ms. Peaches & STARING yours truly "Comma' Dee".
This will sure be a show you dont want to miss.
This is an 18 and older event! So leave the kids at home.
Show details:
YMCA 412-243-2900 or Ty Mac for ticket
When: September 22, 2012
Time: 7:30 – 9:30pm
Tickets: $7 
(Light refreshments will be served!)

THIS IS AN 18 AND OVER EVENT!!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

TIM DIMOND at the Steel City Improv Theater: September 29, 2012



If you can read this, congratulations! You can read! If you cannot, worry not your troubled heart yinzer. Reading is not required to enjoy the standup comedy of Tim Dimond. A contributing writer to vh1 and one of his mother's favorite comedians, Tim returns home to the 'burgh bringing his insightful insights and witty witticisms for one night of redundant descriptions and hilarity.


9:30PM
Approximately 90 minutes
Tickets $12 Cash at the SCIT Box Office


808 B Tripoli Street , Pittsburgh

Slapsticks Comedy Shows: Saturday, Sept 22nd, 2012


Hey Pittsburgh Comedy Fans!
We've got TWO great Funny Fundraiser events this 
SATURDAY - SEPTEMBER 22 

Get Your TAX DEDUCTIBLE Laughs
and raise funds at the same time!



  

SCHEDULE YOUR OWN FUNNY FUNDRAISER EVENT TODAY  
And LAUGH ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK!
CALL NOW!  412-920-5653
 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Movie Sequels They Should Make BY JAMES J. HAMILTON


Hey big shot Hollywood producers, here’s a bunch of great ideas for movie sequels I made up.

Taken 3 
A Mexican drug cartel takes Liam Neeson’s beloved childhood teddy bear and he goes on a murderous rampage to get it back.

Godfather 4 
Michael Corleone puts out a hit on Francis Ford Coppola for making Godfather 3.


Reservoir Dogs 2
Mr. Pink escapes with the diamonds but gets beaten to death by an Applebee’s wait staff for not tipping.

Black Swan 2 
Two hours of Natalie Portman/Mila Kunis girl-on-girl action.
I'll use any excuse to post this picture again.
Dark Knight 4
Four hours long and Batman is only in it for twelve minutes.

Big Lebowski 2
Because Tara Reid’s house is probably in foreclosure.

Gone With The Wind 2: I Still Don’t Give A Damn
Not giving a damn about Reconstruction.

Lost In Translation 2: Surf’s Up!
About the Japanese tsunami, but with Scarlett Johansson full frontal nudity.

Three Old Guys And A Twentysomething
The hilarious sequel to 1987’s Three Men And A Baby.
Where are they now?
Rocky 7: The Rambo 5 Chronicles
Stallone versus Stallone, where Stallone’s wallet wins but his dignity loses.

Fast And Furious 6
Because every couple of years there’s a new batch of 17 year olds who don’t realize how stupid these are.

The Graduate 2
“Coach Sandusky, you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you.”

Jurassic Park 4
Buddy comedy prequel starring Samuel L. Jackson and Newman in their computer programmer roles (no dinosaurs). 

The Shawshank Redemption 2 
The homoerotic tale of two former prisoners refurbishing an old boat on a Mexican beach.
This time, the buttsex is consensual.
Moneyball 2: The Oakland A’s Still Haven’t Won Shit
Because Brad Pitt’s good looks do not a champion make.

Snakes On A Plane 2
Animated children’s comedy about heroic snakes who foil a terrorist hijacking plot.

Austin Powers 4
Because the Obama administration has made “100 billion dollars” sound like a laughably small amount of money.

Nutty Professor 3
Put Kevin Sorbo in it and milk that “Hercules! Hercules!” thing for all it’s worth.

Shrek 5
If nothing else, it will delay Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy from making Austin Powers 4 and Nutty Professor 3.

Indiana Jones 5
Indy retires from adventuring and becomes an expert on Pawn Stars who tells people their artifacts are fake.
The Holy Grail? I could maybe give you $20 for it.
You’re welcome, Hollywood!


James J. Hamilton is a comedian from Pittsburgh whose awesome genius is matched only by his incredible humility.  You're missing out on a life-affirming experience if you don't follow him on Twitter and read his blog.  If you want to hire him to tell masturbation jokes at your son's bar mitzvah or if you have any sexy pictures of Natalie Portman you'd like to share, contact jamesjhamiltoncomedy@gmail.com.

Monday, September 17, 2012

JIM BREUER at the BYHAM Theater: September 22, 2012

JIM BREUER
@ the BYHAM THEATER
September 22nd, 2012
8PM
Comedy favorite Jim Breuer will deliver his signature family-friendly stand-up for one night only at the Byham Theater in Pittsburgh, PA on Saturday, September 22nd at 8pm.

Breuer’s off-the-wall humor is appropriate for all ages and promises a night of pure hilarity.
Named one of Comedy Central's “100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time,” Breuer has become one of the most recognizable comedians in the business thanks in part to his time on Saturday Night Live and his role in the cult classic film, Half Baked. He’s brought laughter to fans nationwide on his current “Heavy Metal Family
Man” comedy tour, and can be heard on his weekly Sirius/XM Radio show “Fridays with Breuer” as well as his podcast hit “Podcast Masters.” Breuer has also won rave reviews for his autobiography, I’m Not High:(But I've Got a Lot of Crazy Stories about Life as a Goat Boy, a Dad, and a Spiritual Warrior), now available in paperback.
Get tickets: 

Thursday, September 13, 2012

BELEVEDERE'S Comedy Fundraiser: September 15, 2012


Hey Pittsburgh Comedy Fans...
Help Us Raise Funds With Laughter, Saturday, Sept. 15th 
at the  LEUKEMIA LYMPHOMA SOCIETY'S
"LIGHT THE NIGHT WALK"
  
FUNNY FUNDRAISER!!
 
Belvedere's Ultra Dive
4016 Butler St.
  
Pittsburgh, PA 15201

DJ AFTER THE SHOW!!!
 LLS Fundraiser 
 
EASIEST WAY TO PURCHASE TICKETS IS 
SHOWCLIX LINK BELOW:

 
 Doors Open: 7:00pm  Showtime: 8:00pm


    GREAT DRINK SPECIALS FOR PURCHASES OF 5 OR MORE TICKETS!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

FRANK NICOTERO at the Pittsburgh Improv: October 12-14, 2012

FRANK NICOTERO
Video Link
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Pittsburgh's own:
FRANK NICOTERO
Fri - Sun, Oct 12 - 14
Most people remember Frank as the host of the wildly popular comedy game show STREET SMARTS which ran in syndication for 5 years. Currently you can watch him daily on Yahoo Studio's PRIMETIME IN NO TIME which is a 3 minute recap of TV's water-cooler moments from the night before. In March of 2012, Frank will shoot the 1,000 episode which has had over 650 million views making it the most popular show in the history of the internet! Frank also hosts the kids game show GAME OF LIFE, based on the popular board game, on The HUB Network every weekend. You can also hear Frank as the voice of TruTV's AMERICA: CAUGHT ON CAMERA.
with
Aaron Kleiber
&
Shaun Blackham
Ticket Link

HARD ROCK CAFE Comedy Show: September 19, 2012



Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Cover: $10

Featuring:
BOBBY WEIR
BRIAN ORNDUFF
ERIK CRIBLEY
GLENN BARONI
Hosted by: ANDREW RUTHERFORD
 
Hard Rock Cafe, Station Square
230 W. Station Square Drive, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 15219

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

MARGARET CHO at the Pittsburgh Improv: October 7-8, 2012

MARGARET CHO
Video Link
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MARGARET CHO
Sun - Mon, Oct 7 - 8
*SPECIAL EVENT SHOWS*

American comedian, fashion designer, actress, author, gay icon, and recording artist. Cho is best known for her stand-up routines, through which she critiques social and political problems, especially those pertaining to race, sexuality, and sex. She has also directed and appeared in music videos and has her own clothing line. She has frequently supported LGBT rights and has won awards for her humanitarian efforts on behalf of women, Asians, and the LGBT community.
Ticket Link

GREG FITZSIMMONS at the Pittsburgh Improv: October 4-6, 2012

GREG FITZSIMMONS
Video Link
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GREG FITZSIMMONS
Thu - Sat, Oct 4 - 6
FROM:*"The Greg Fitzsimmons Experience"*"The Late Show With David Letterman"*"Chelsea Lately"*"Howard Stern On Demand"*"Comedy Central Presents"*"Late Night With Conan O'Brien"
Ticket Link

MO MANDEL at the Pittsbughr Improv: September 27-30, 2012

MO MANDEL
Video Link
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MO MANDEL
Thu - Sun, Sep 27 - 30
FROM:
*"Chelsea Lately"
*"Free Agents"
*"Modern Family"
*"Conan"
*"Love Bites"
*"Comedy Cenral Special"
Ticket Link

ORLANDO JONES at the Pittsburgh Improv: September 21-23, 2012

ORLANDO JONES
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ORLANDO JONES
Fri - Sun, Sep 21 - 23
FROM:
*"MAD TV"
*"Drumline"
*"Everybody Hates Chris"
*"The Bernie Mac Show"
Ticket Link

JUSTON MCKINNEY at the PIttsburgh Improv: September 13-15, 2012

JUSTON MCKINNEY
Video Link
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JUSTON MCKINNEY
Thu - Sat, Sep 13 - 15
Juston has appeared on both the “Tonight Show w/ Jay Leno” and on the “Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien”. He has numerous appearances on Comedy Central including his own half-hour presents special. In 2010 will be the premiere of his one hour Comedy Central special “ A Middle-class Hole”, which will also be released by Warner Bros. on CD/DVD.
Ticket Link

Friday, September 7, 2012

SLAPSTICKS COMEDY SHOWS: September 7-8, 2012


Get Your LAUGHS This Weekend at TWO HILARIOUS Funny Fundraiser events! 
 
FRIDAY - SEPTEMBER 7 
Library Fire Hall
 6581 Library Road -  South Park, PA
 
$25.00 Ticket includes Dinner Buffet, DRAFT BEER & Soda
CALL NOW FOR TICKETS 724-942-1073
Doors Open 6:00 - Dinner 6:30 - Show 8:00
 
Laugh with MIKE EAGAN, LIONEL HAMILTON and DAVID KAYE
Dinner by Cyd West Catering (yummy)

Plus 50/50 Raffles and Silent Auction


SATURDAY - SEPTEMBER 8
Monessen Elks #773 Funny Fundraiser!
70 Pioneer Drive - Monessen, PA - 724-684-9898

$15 Donation Gets you a LOT of LAUGHS!
CALL NOW FOR TICKETS
Cash Bar Available

Doors Open 6:00 - Show 7:30
Keep on Laughing with
MIKE EAGAN - Comedy Central
MIKE WYSOCKI - WDVE Morning Show
Lisa Dapprich - Date Night TV 
     

Thursday, September 6, 2012

ATTN Pgh Comics: 2013 Laughing Skull Festival

Laughing Skull Registration is open! Tell your friends, post it on Facebook, get the word out!
If you register before 9/15, it's just $25! The festival takes place March 27th-31st in Atlanta, GA.

http://www.skullfestival.com/registrationcomedian.cfm

Now in its fourth year, the Laughing Skull Festival has been a tremendous success. Last year, Dave Waite won - and got a spot on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon as a direct result of his participation.

The list of industry that attends grows each year. In the past we've had Ann Harris and Joann Grigioni from Comedy Central, Dan Pasternack from IFC, David Willis from Adult Swim, Samata Narra from Fox, Steven Brown from Fox, and many casting directors, managers, agents, and bookers. Judges have included Michael Cox from Chelsea Lately, Eddie Brill from the Late Show, Jeff Singer from the Montreal Comedy Festival, Peter Rosegarten from the Conversation Company, Josh Lieberman from 3 Arts, and TJ Markwalter from Gersh. Margaret Cho, Gary Gullman, Chris Titus, Jim Florentine, and Robert Kelly have headlined, and there is always a ton of press. A best of package plays on Sirius/XM, and our festival albums have been featured on the front page of iTunes. And the prize package includes money and a ton of club work.

For more information (or to submit), please visit http://www.skullfestival.com/registrationcomedian.cfm today.

Thank you, and hope to see you in Atlanta!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Comedy Jam Fundraiser: Holiday Inn Uniontown, Danny McGee Fundraiser


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2 mi from Home

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

PABLO FRANCISCO at the Pittsburgh Improv: September 6-9, 2012

PABLO FRANCISCO
Video Link
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PABLO FRANCISCO
Thurs - Sun, Sep 6-9, 2012
*SPECIAL EVENT SHOWS*
FROM:
*"MADtv"
*"Frank TV"
*"Comics Unleashed"
*"The Tonight Show"
*"Comedy Central Presents"
Ticket Link