Friday, February 17, 2012

Fight of the Week RESULTS: Batman vs. James Bond

The Bullet Points

- Bond kills. Batman does not. These were the first two points made abundantly clear by the off-site conversations. Batman is not going to make those killing strokes that he could to take his enemy out. He’s going to fight Bond to a knockout, not to the death. Bond, on the other hand, would readily kill his target. This is extremely important in any fight… that doesn’t involve Batman. People have been trying to kill Batman for decades and no one succeeded. Sure, they broke his back. Sure, they sent him back in time and made it look like he was dead (see Final Crisis, kids, that shit is real!), but they’ve never killed him. Bond may kill, but he’s not killing Batman.

- Batman’s martial arts training is the stuff of legend while Bond’s martial arts training can be easily parodied by Mike Myers (Judo CHOP!). While the newer Bonds seem to show a smattering of melee skill, it’s always been Bond’s guns and toys that have gotten him out of situations, not really his hand-to-hand prowess. If this thing is a fist fight (which it would become, based on the scenario), Batman’s world-class, multi-disciplined, ultra-badass martial arts skills would kick the living crap out of Bond.

- Resources, resources, resources. At first, I was thinking that, when the fight happened, Bond would deploy some crafty gadgetry to get an edge. Part of the reason I booked this fight was because both of these characters are gadget-users. And, though the argument can be made that either has the better toys, Batman wins in this department. Why, you may ask, does Bat-Tech beat out state-of-the-art intelligence agency black-ops level tech? The simple answer is this: Wayne Enterprises is making most of that stuff. They’ve got government R&D contracts and guess who’s field testing that stuff to see if its useful? Guess who keeps the prototypes and modifies them? Guess who owns the patents on those devices? Guess who can counter Bond’s gadgets if only because he had something similar cooking up at his multi-national tech firm that was the same thing? That’s right.

- From what we’ve always seen, Bond is the master of the chase. His skills in Parcours have been duly noted by Daniel Craig in the last two flicks. Could he possibly make a run for it and get away from the Bat? Hell to the nizzo. Climb all the cranes and jump into all the dumpsters you want, Jimmy Bond, you’re caught and done. There is no escaping The Bat. And, if he has his Aston Martin with him? Yeah, Bats has a faster car with cooler gadgets. Done.

- The last note was the obvious one. Bond uses guns, Bats doesn’t. This was made into a huge deal and was thought by some to determine the actual winner of the fight. It is in poor judgment to say that guns vs. no guns is an unwinnable fight. Batman wins that fight all of the time. It’s called bulletproofing. Dude can dodge bullets and wears bulletproof armor. He’s going to get you regardless of your skills.


Debate Winner:

Vote Winner:
Batman (7 - 2)

Overall Winner:

Fight of the Week is written by Justin Bidula

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