Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Fight of the Week RESULTS: Rihanna vs. Nicki Minaj

The Bullet Points
-Hits. Rihanna has the advantage here. She’s been a major guest vocalist on almost every hip-hop/rap track since 2006. She’s also got the solo credibility. While Nicki has also guested on numerous rap tracks, her solo career has been somewhat lackluster. She certainly doesn’t carry as much star power as Rih, so the odds makers are for sure setting Nicki as the underdog in this fight. If this was a battle based on career strength and potential staying power, Rih would win in a second. There are other factors to consider and I am happy that my audience takes these into consideration before voting.

-Upbringing. Research on Rhianna shows that she’s actually got a bit of military training. When she was young, she was a cadet in a pseudo-military program and trained with the Barbadian Army. This after enduring headaches so severe that doctors thought she may have a brain tumor and dealing with a family life including a broken marriage (when Rih was 14) due to a crack-addicted alcoholic father. While Nicki may not have spent her whole life in the islands (moving to Queens when she was 5), she also had to endure an abusive alcoholic fire who, according to Nicki, once tried to set their house on fire to kill her mother. While Nicki may not have any formal military training, she did spend her youth on some pretty mean streets which beats most boarding schools for toughening of the hide.

-Crazy. Rih may be psychologically damaged enough to stay with a guy even after he beats the living crap out of her on a fairly regular basis, but Nicki… whoa, man. To dodge her hectic (putting it lightly) home life, Nicki “created characters and lived her life through them” which is the elongated and not nearly psychological term for Multiple-Personality disorder. Whether this is just something she portrays to the media or this is something real, it’s still a dash of insane to not know which Nicki you’ll be talking to or working with or fighting against. That could not only keep opponents guessing, but it could result in a more severe beating if the roulette wheel lands on the right personality.
-Fighting shape. On one hand, you’ve got Rihanna, proud owner of a six-pack and some serious curves. On the other, you’ve got Nicki who may not have a six pack, but… dat ass. Rihanna’s packing some junk in the trunk, but no one in the media right now does it like Nicki Minaj. She is Sir Mix-a-Lot’s ideal woman. Sure, Rih might be more athletic and svelte and all that, but, again… dat ass. Nicki might have trouble keeping up with Rih in a foot race, but I think she’ll have enough energy stored in… well, you know… to keep her on par with Rih on an endurance level.

-Musical brutality. Even though Rih has more hits, musically, she’s nowhere near as straight-up mean on the mic as Nicki. Have you heard this girl rap? Both artists featured on Kanye’s “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”. Rih, essentially, stood there and sang pretty. Nicki rapped on the track “Monster” and hung with both Jay-Z and Kanye on their level of badassness. Hell, even Beyonce was more brutal than Rihanna on that album (check the bonus tracks to hear Mrs. Z get a bit more ghetto than you may be used to). Rihanna is like a painting; nice to look at, dresses things up a bit but doesn’t really tie things together and could just as easily be included as discarded. Nicki is like a baseball bat; you use her to make an impact and possibly to cause trauma. In a war of words alone, I imagine Nicki would be able to drop the sick flow while Rihanna just stood there tweeting like a bird.

The Results
Debate Winner – Nicki Minaj
Vote Winner
Overall Winner – Nicki Minaj

Fight of the Week is written by Justin Bidula

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