Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Fight of the Week RESULTS: Dick Clark vs. Ryan Seacrest

Yes, this was a pushover fight. Yes, I did it that way on purpose for once. Don’t worry, we’re back with new, normal fights for a while. Themeing only works once or twice a year.

The Bullet Points

- Ryan Seacrest is a sad and desperate closet case who holds America hostage by being implanted on one of the country’s most popular TV shows, not to mention taking over for Casey Casem on American Top 40 on the radio side. It has lead him to fame and riches far beyond what he deserves and has, sadly enough, given him power enough to sink his claws into the fabric of pop-culture so that he could make himself a staple. Even if you hate him, he’s become so prevalent that he’s almost like background noise. You don’t care that he’s there as long as whatever you want comes after hearing him jabber on forever.
He’s like a room with bad wallpaper. If something riveting is happening in the middle of the room, you stop caring about the wallpaper, no matter how much the pattern is giving you a headache.

- Dick Clark, stroke or not, rules. Dick Clark went to the Chuck Norris School of Ass Kicking. In his 30+ years behind the mic on NYE, he’s been through just about every possible weather condition and he’s done it smiling the whole way through (he even busted Seacrest’s balls for having it easy the last 4 years). The dude only really took one year off due to having a massive stroke and he still comes back every freaking year.
Sure, he messes up the countdown (14… 12… 11… 9… 10… 9), but he gets it back on track in time for the most important part. Let’s see Seacrest with the same cognition after recovering from severe brain injury.
This year, especially, he looked awesome. How he continues to look so young while being so old and how he continues to look better and better every year after the stroke is either a) a miracle from God, b) a miracle of plastic surgery, or c) the cashing in of some obscure clause in his contract with the Devil.

In short, even if these two were to fight now, the result would be inevitable: Seacrest, out.
(note: FotW apologizes for using the cheap and obvious joke, but it had to be done)

Happy New Year to you and yours. Here's to many more fights to come in 2012. Have an idea for a fight? Let us know and we'll see what the HDMS can do about getting that set up for you.

The Results

Vote Winner: Dick Clark (8 – 1)

Debate Winner: Dick Clark

Overall Winner and the Undisputed King of New Year’s Eve – Dick Clark

ps – Who the hell voted for Seacrest? For shame…

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