Thursday, January 26, 2012

Fight of the Week RESULTS: Bender vs. C3P0 and R2D2

The Bullet Points

- Two on one. Of course, this was the first thing mentioned by a few people. However, I never really considered Threepio anything but a slight distraction. The real fight here is between Bender and Artoo. I’m sure Threepio would pointlessly slap at Bender, doing nothing but making noise. This would only happen until Bender had a chance to beat the crap out of Threepio. Then, the odds are even.

- Gadgets. Establishing that this is now, clearly, a fight between Bender and Artoo (with Threepio only coming along because he’s part of a set), we can concentrate on their specific elements. Gadget wise, Bender has a few things going for him: telescoping limbs, removable/replaceable eye tubes, roller skates hidden in his feet, and of course, the seemingly infinite capacity of his chest cabinet, which works like a magic bag on many occasions.
Then we have Artoo, the rolling swiss-army knife. He has a tool for every occasion; buzzsaws, oil spray, hydrospanner, tazer, lightsaber launcher, periscope, hidden jump jets in his legs… you name it, he’s got it. His over-preparedness is going to make up a lot of ground here.

- Mobility. Bender is a biped. This definitely gives him the speed advantage over the difficult-to-corner R2-Unit. Astromech droids were only really built for starfighter maintenance, not straight combat. Artoo lacks the mobility granted by a pair of expandable legs. He can rotate his domed head and he can probably pivot 360 degrees, but he’s just not fast enough to keep up with Bender.

- Combat experience. This is an interesting one. While Artoo was present at the front lines of two major galactic wars, he really wasn’t much more than a glorified co-pilot. Sure, he helped to infiltrate the first death star and he played his role of delivery boy to Obi-Wan well, but beyond that, all he did was beep, boop, throw Luke a lightsaber, and get strapped to a stick by Ewoks. Ok, and he took out a few droid troops, as well. Still, he didn’t really do anything impressive aside from keeping Jedi starfighters and X-Wings aloft..
Bender, on the other hand, was a professional Ultimate Robot Fighter for a time. Sure, it was all a scam, but he still learned to fight. He was also drafted into the armed forces when Earth fought the Balls, not to mention all the tight scrapes he’s gotten into with the rest of the Planet Express crew. I know Artoo has seen more combat, but Bender has been more involved. Even if he was just scamming.

I see two robots pending for a bending…

The Results

Vote Winner – Bender (5 – 2)

Debate Winner – Bender

Overall Winner - Bender

Surprising loss for Star Wars here…

Fight of the Week is written by Justin Bidula

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