Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Welcome one and all to the Fight of the Week!
A new weekly feature, every Wednesday @ 10am, which pits pop-culture icons against each other in the most brutal arena known to man - Fandom. Your votes decide the outcome! Remember always that this is not a popularity contest, this is a true fight, and your opinions should be based as such - it's not about who you like more it's about who will kick who's ass. We'll give you the lowdown, you let us know what you think. Enjoy and let's get it on!!!
A red station wagon rolls noisily down the highway somewhere east of Shelbyville and south of Capital City. The Rhode Island license plate marks them as completely out of place here, somewhere in Middle America. A man is driving his family across the country on what he's told them is a fantastic vacation but is actually a quest to see the World's Largest Frying Pan, steal it, and make the world's largest omlette. No real reason why, just because he wanted to.
The man at the wheel, having seen a sign for a Krusty Burger restaurant, decides to exit the highway quickly so that his family can get some dinner before they stop for the night.
As he drives down side streets, trying to find this place, he gets distracted by reading a comic book while driving. His family, asleep in the car, is awakened when he plows into a strangely similar bright pink station wagon parked crookedly in the driveway of a house.
“Aw, crap,” says the driver of the red station wagon as his family piles out of the car with him.
“Peter,” shouts his wife, “What the hell did you do?”
“Nothin’, Lois,” says Peter, “I was minding my own business when this driveway jumped out in front a me!”
“My car,” shouts a man from the front stoop of the house, “Now how am I going to drive drunk home from from Moe’s?”
“Holy crap,” said Peter, “You’re bright freakin’ yellow!”
“Peter,” Lois mutters, “Don’t make fun of him, he might have some kind of serious skin condition.”
“Holy crap,” said the bald, yellow man, “You’re not yellow!”
“Homey,” mutters a blue-haired yellow woman, “Don’t make fun of him, he might have some kind of serious skin condition.”
“You got a problem with people that aren’t yellow?” Peter says, moving closer to Homer.
“You got a problem with people that are yellow?” Homer says at the same time, moving closer to Peter.
Their wives plead, but they fall on moronically deaf ears.
“You shut up,” they both say, “No, you shut up. No, you. No, you.”
“All right, that’s it,” they both say at the same time, throwing the first simultaneous swings. Even as the wives and children watch their fathers descend into a brawl, knowing that there’s no real stopping it, they begin to start cheering for their respective patriarchs. Eventually, a heated (and hysterical) war of words on the sidelines devolves into a physical altercation.
The cops are called, but Chief Wiggum would rather let them fight it out while his men sit back and eat some donuts. He figures they’ll either tire out or kill each other. Either way, it’ll be easier to clean it up once its all over.
So begins the family on family brawl that’s been brewing since 1998. Though this would probably be incredibly comical in nature, there can be only one family victorious after this is all over. And, for the sake of this fight, the last combatant left standing will win it for their family.
Also, this will be for the families only. No supporting cast members, no outside interference.