This fight doesn’t use the traditional bullet point system, though I’ll make highlights of two of the specific real-life comments involved, then wrap it up.
Budda says: “The fight starts, but then Zhu Zhu Pets come in as a swarm and all the competetors all die of antimony poisoning.”
I immediately vetoed this as a possible result, as Zhu Zhu Pets would have no reason to run-in on this match. Plus, that’s not really a fight. That’s just sabotage. Budda couldn’t work out for me who would have sent the Zhu Zhu Pets to do their job as he says they would swarm and poison indiscriminately. True as that may be, and funny as that may be, that’s just not how we do it here at FotW. There’s gotta be motive and, in terms of popular toys, Zhu Zhu Pets do not rank up with the rest of these guys. Maybe jealousy would work, but if they have the hive-mentality that Budda suggests, I don’t think they’re going to care. They’re just killing machines.
Little Matt says: “I think it comes down to Furby and Elmo. Cabbage Patch and the Blue Ranger both go crazy from the two of them talking and moving and shaking constantly, then it’s just an endurance contest to see which one goes insane first.”
This result is one I can truly get behind and, apparently, the readers agree.
Though I had initially pegged the Cabbage Patch Kid as the winner due to it’s anger over years of potential neglect and the angst at the fact that it could never grow up to be a Cabbage Patch Adult, Elmo quickly came into my mind as second place for the same reason described.
The Cabbage Patch Kid and Blue Ranger may get a few hits in on Elmo, but they’ll just make him laugh. We used to punt the things down the aisles at WalMart at 3AM. Cracked us up because they would just say “Hee hee hee, that tickles!”
Furby would take a few punches but, even when thrown or dropped, Furby would just say “Wheeee!” and continue going pleasantly about its business, whatever that was.
In the end, we have the two of them fighting, neither of them vulnerable to the other’s blows, but I think Furby drops due to the maddening repetition of Elmo’s laugh and jiggle. Furby was kinda diverse in what it did. There’s only so much Elmo one person (or other toy) can take. Normal toys would crack under the pressure, however, Furby was built to withstand consistent nagging and annoyance by its owners and was even programmed to mimic, then teach other Furbies what it had learned. Given enough time in a room with Elmo, Furby could turn the Red Menace's madness around and maybe give Elmo even more Elmo than Elmo could handle.