Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A Recipe for the Fraternity Bros by Patrick Shore

A cookbook for the Fraternity Cook, by a Fraternity Cook (AKA Patrick Shore)

Preface:
Hello and welcome to the best cookbook you will read in your life! This cookbook will prepare you for a life of culinary exception, gratitude from molding young minds, and not to mention all the free beer you can drink. This avenue of the cooking world will give you the freedom to serve and prepare any recipe you would like to try while giving you the freedom to sit back and serve mac and cheese on an off day (don’t forget the chunks of those awesome dogs, the guys think you’re “titties” for doing that). So light up the grill and bring out the sixer, you day just got a whole lot more chillaxed.


Roasted Chicken Breast with Rosemary

2 Frozen Chicken Breasts (2 per bro these guys get hungry!)

Rosemary (optional)

First you must defrost the chicken. Leave them out on a tray over night. What will most likely happen is that some of the guys will go out for drinks and come back looking for food in the kitchen. They’ll see the chicken and go nuts and get so excited for dinner the next day that they will kind of help you out. They like to pour beer and some other ingredients on the chicken that they want it spiced or cooked with. I’ve seen some crazy things when they do this, some of the guys like putting coffee grinds on their chicken. It’s weird it looks like an ape just came in and dumped all the coffee on it but to each his own.

Now the next morning when you get there take your rosemary and put it on the chicken. If I don’t have any I usually just cut up some leaves that are outside on vines growing against the house. The bros don’t mind. They actually like it when I use Sullivan’s leaves. He grows them in the closet in his room, they are really good. He doesn’t want me telling anyone that he has them though, I can understand because they are awesome and everyone would want to eat them. Once you put them in the oven, crack open a Natty Light (you can find them throughout the house, sometimes they are already open for you!) You can go up to Sulli’s room and hang out, he’s real cool. He has an old recliner that his grandma gave him that is so comfortable. He has these really funny cigarettes that he likes to smoke while he’s playing Madden on Xbox. He’ll share the cigarette with you sometimes and it makes you really hungry (they must all smoke those cigarettes, that’s why you need to make 2 chicken breasts per bro).
Anyway by the time you’re done watching Sulli “do some major pwnage (?)” the chicken is right about done. So go down and pull it out of the oven and go send a pledge to tell everyone their dinner is served. Don’t forget to saut√© the onions and mushrooms you got from Sulli too, wait I forgot to say that earlier shit, wait…why is everything starting to glowwww….Sullivan, I think those funny cigarettes and mushrooms might be why the walls are so bright…must….lick.
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