Friday, August 12, 2011


The office of Luke Ravenstahl, which until recently was what one would expect from any typical, totally-got-this-job-by-circumstance mayor, is looking quite different these days. For one, the staff has expanded considerably, 2 publicists, 3 make-up artists, and a drama coach are among the list of new recruits.

Mayor Ravenstahl, fresh off his bit role in “The Dark Knight Rises,” has bright plans for the city’s future.

“As mayor, it’s my job to always put the city first, that’s why when I was approached about them filming the new Batman here, I made sure the city of Pittsburgh got what it wanted most…a nice, juicy role for me.”

The Mayor believes that this role is just the beginning of his movie career, one that is bound to be fruitful and beneficial to the city of Pittsburgh.

“I mean, to me it’s a no brainer. I’ve got the talent for the big screen, I may as well use it. It’ll definitely help out with running the city. You know, it’s like, ‘hey, this guy’s famous, we should agree with him, because, you know, famous people are awesome!’”

Mayor Ravenstahl also hopes this will silence some of his critics.

“You know, some people call me Opie, well, after they see this football scene, they’re going to be calling me Rudy!” He says with a smile as he takes a sip of his favorite beverage, chocolate milk.

“I’ve always been pretty hip to the rhythm of the youth,” Ravenstahl explains, “that’s why I extended the parking meters for a few extra hours, young people don’t mind spending the extra quarters because it enables them to do hip things like wear fanny packs!”

It also seems that Mayor Ravenstahl’s appearance on the big screen has summoned more than just his acting abilities.

“I really am a great kicker, and I’m not so convinced the Steelers are set there yet, it would involve some traveling and it’d be hard to balance my duties as Mayor, but, seriously, maybe I could kick for the Pittsburgh Steelers. My assistant did place a call.”

According to our best sources Coach Mike Tomlin has yet to return the Mayor’s phone calls.

Ron Palcone is a writer & comedian in Pittsburgh transplanted from Seattle. He's got more good writings @ Ron

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