Friday, July 8, 2011

Sky Mall Magazine: Grisly Death Edition BY JEFF KONKLE

Jeff Konkle -
Sky Mall Magazine: Grisly Death Edition
July 5, 2011 at 9:56 PM

I was disturbed by the recent issue of SkyMall. It seemed to cater to a lower class of citizen: serial killers.

Shark T- Shirt

This product is just fine if you are a 10-year-old boy. It is not ok if you are a 29-year-old man. It is creepy. If a 29-year-old man orders this shirt, he may be a serial killer attempting to lure his prey in. And who can resist a cool t-shirt? It's a real conversation starter. What mighty big shark teeth you have!...on your shirt sleeves.

Flexible Screen Door

Which brings me to my next creepy SkyMall product. Are you tired of clumsy children plowing through your screen door while trying to escape your house? Of course you are! You are a creepy murderer. You need a flexible Screen that can withstand the force of 80 pounds running into it at 10 miles an hour. For an additional charge you can order the electric flexible screen door. That will teach them.

No Skin

This product can be used to permanently remove blemishes and imperfections…or the skin of bullies, abusive mothers, dogs, or anything else you might want to clear from this earth in a violent rampage. Who is heading up the marketing department for this product? Wild Bill? Ed Gein?

Trophy Case

Doesn't seem like something a serial killer would have. It's a nice trophy case for collectible items like, baseballs and embalmed snakes and dead pigeons and (gulp)…human skulls (look closely).


Don't worry though. These serial killers won't get far. There's some do-it-yourself, CSI, Scooby Doo detectives in training right now. Solving mysteries and apprehending them.

Jeff is a stand-up comedian.

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