Saturday, July 9, 2011

Is Kim Kardashian a Sign of the Apocalypse BY JAMES J. HAMILTON

By James J. Hamilton

TMZ has reported that Kim Kardashian and her fiancĂ© are looking for Bible passages to have engraved on their wedding bands.  How nice.

When I heard about this, I decided to help them out.  After careful study, I have found the perfect Bible passage for Kim Kardashian’s wedding band:

Come hither; I will show unto thee the judgment of the great whore that sitteth upon many waters,

With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication.

(Revelation 17:1-2)

How appropriate.  I think the priest should also read that during the ceremony.

But enough fun and games.  I originally came up with this as a joke, but after thinking about it some more and further analyzing the Bible passage in question, I have come to the frightening conclusion that Kim Kardashian is actually the Whore of Babylon foretold in the Book of Revelation.  

Let me show you how I got there:

  • “I will show unto thee…”  We are constantly shown her whoredom because everything she does is on TV.

  • “…that sitteth upon many waters.”  Clearly a big ass reference.

  • “With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication…”  A bunch of famous people have fucked her.

  • “…and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication.”  The public at large has become intoxicated and obsessed by her and her whoredom.

Wow.  That fits together a little too perfectly.  This is scary.

Still not convinced?  Check this shit out:

“And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour,
and decked with gold and precious stones...” 
(Revelation  17:4)

“And I saw the woman drunken with the blood of the saints...”
(Revelation 17:6)
  
“And she shall be utterly burned with fire:
for strong is the Lord God who judgeth her.”

(Revelation 18:8)

 Somebody call Jack Van Impe.

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James J. Hamilton is a comedian & writer in Pittsburgh.
http://www.facebook.com/jamesjayhamilton
http://www.jamesjhamilton.com

1 comment:

M said...

haha that was good :)