Saturday, July 2, 2011

Furry Convention Causes Confusion for Local Polar Bear Club' BY TRAVIS WALLING

The Pittsburgh Polar Bear Club, the club famous for meeting to take swims in sub-zero temperatures, met this week for a dip in the Monongahela River. While this is usually cause for unusual glances, hard nipples, and a bit of media coverage for the famed club, this time it was met with mostly apathy. Organizers blamed this on the 80 degree temperatures at swim time. They then blamed the confusion on the annual Furry Convention, or Anthrocon.

“Yeah there was a listing on Craigslist that said ‘Looking for Polar Bears This Weekend’.” said James Blart, member of the Pittsburgh Polar Bears Club. “Naturally I assumed that there was a gathering of our club” However he was mistaken, the ad was posted by a Furry Convention goer looking for fellow bear-animal enthusiasts to hang out with at the convention, and perhaps have be-costumed sex with later. “When I first saw the ad I just figured there was a major cold front coming, what with the global climate change and all. I would have checked the weather forecast myself, but I don’t have a TV and my work blocks every web-site except for craigslist”.

Mr. Blart was able to convince a loose assortment of about 20 of his club members to join him on the North Shore for a swim. “We got there and it was 80 degrees out and there were old people and kids in the water.” Said polar bearette Rachel Sheehan, “We all kind just kind of looked at each other and someone said, ‘Man people aren’t really going to be impressed by this at all are they? It’s going to be kind of like skydiving from the top of a hummer’. So we all were about to head home when some of the actual furries walked by and asked what we were doing.”

“Yeah we saw these freaks in overcoats and speedos standing besides the water looking very angrily at one particular guy,” said Ross “Starwolf” Daniels, a leading furry. “So we asked them what was going on, and they explained the situation. While we found them to be incredibly strange for wanting to swim in freezing temperatures, a swim did sound like fun, so we convinced them to swim with us. They agreed but kind of had a scared look in their eyes while doing it.” Ms. Sheehan backed up the story, “We really weren’t sure what they’d do to us if we said no. Some sort of scratching or urinating or ramming or who the hell knows. But we actually regretted our decision immediately afterward, do you know what those suits smell like after they’re wet? It’s like a weird combination of wet fur and… sadness.”

When asked if there were any plans for future meet-ups Mr. Blart declined to comment. But he did ask us to help pick up the broken glass from the car windshield his club fellows smashed out.

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Travis Walling's Blog. Fun for all ages. Except 43 year olds, they can go screw off. They know what they did

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