Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Star Wars Quotes In Other Contexts BY JAMES J. HAMILTON

"I thought they smelled bad on the outside." - Surgeon operating on a homeless guy

"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine." - Jesus Christ to Pontius Pilate

"Size matters not." - Guys with small penises

"I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board."

"Never tell me the odds!" - Guy who always buys a ton of lottery tickets refusing to admit it's a waste of money

"I find your lack of faith disturbing." - Your priest guilt-tripping you into coming to church more often

"Luke's just not a farmer, Owen." - Someone explaining to a disappointed Owen Wilson that his brother Luke Wilson is never going to play FarmVille with him.
 
"You rebel scum."

"Where are you taking this... thing?"  - Movie studio security guard to Sarah Jessica Parker's chauffeur

"We had a slight weapons malfunction." - Kid explaining to his mom why his brother has a BB embedded in his butt cheek.

"It's a trap!" - Out-of-position linebacker realizing that an apparent running play is in fact a play action pass

"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

"One thing's for sure, we're all gonna be a lot thinner." - Group of friends vowing to take their New Year's resolutions seriously this time

"The circle is now complete." - Kindergartner doing his shape-drawing homework

"You came in here, didn't you have a plan for getting out?"  "He's the brains, sweetheart!" - Someone asking George W. Bush about the Iraq war and Bush responding by pointing to Dick Cheney  
"This station is now the ultimate power in the universe."

"There'll be no escape for the Princess this time." - The Pont de l'Alma Tunnel in Paris on August 31, 1997

"You have failed me for the last time." - Comedian deciding not to do that lame joke anymore

"Into the garbage chute, flyboy." - Carrie Fisher inviting me to penetrate her anally (from an awesome dream I had)

"He's more machine now than man.  Twisted and evil."

"I have a bad feeling about this." - Someone hearing that George Lucas is planning to make the Special Edition

"I have a very bad feeling about this." - Someone hearing that George Lucas is planning to make the prequel trilogy

"Wonderful!" - You reading this blog

Check out James J. Hamilton's "Star Wars Saga Told Via Twitter Updates" too


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JAMES J. HAMILTON is a writer & comedian in Pittsburgh - Facebook friend him.

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