Friday, March 4, 2011

10 Tips to Make Air Travel Easier - Ryan's Bitchy Opinion

Ryan's Bitchy Opinion
10 Tips to Make Air Travel Easier
February 18, 2011 at 7:56 PM
Here are 10 simple tips for making air travel easier:

1. If seated next to a child, ask the flight attendant to be reseated. If the flight attendant gives you issues, it is okay to lie about being a convicted sex offender.

2. If your flight crew is based in a city in the south (Atlanta, Charlotte, Houston, Etc.), your flight will be delayed. Plan appropriately.

3. When you board the aircraft, it will be ungodly hot. While in the air, it will be ungodly cold. Dress accordingly.

4. Ignore the safety announcements. One plane went down in the Hudson. What are the freaking odds of that happening again?

5. If your luggage is overweight, step on the scale to weigh yourself. Then insist you weigh 10 pounds less and their scale is wrong. If they insist, ask to see a supervisor.

6. Enjoy the "enhanced pat down". If you accidentally ejaculate, have your partner explain to CNN that you ejaculate prematurely all the time.

7. If the person sitting next to you is hot, place your knee against their knee. If they don't move it, ask them to meet you in the bathroom to join the mile high club.

8. Stay seated. Standing up by the gate does not make the agent call your row or zone any faster.

9. If flying to Florida, 50% of the passengers will board when they offer pre-boarding those need additional time to get on board.

10. Don't expect an upgrade. First class is reserved for rich white males.

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