Tuesday, November 23, 2010

10 KFC Tweets for the Prize by RON PLACONE

First we had those artery-clogging food bowls, then we had two pieces of fried chicken substituting a bun, it seemed there were no more possible ways for Kentucky Fried Chicken to declare to the world:
“Humanity, we think you’re going down the toilet, and we may as well capitalize on it!”
But now, KFC is offering a $20,000 scholarship for the student with the best “tweet.”  That’s right, scholarships in the past have been awarded on various merits such as stellar grades for four years, an essay possessing an advanced understanding on a certain topic, music or athletic ability honed from years of hard work and effort, or in some cases being left-handed and wanting to study accounting, but with KFC, all it takes is a sentence. 
One sentence and likely procrastination on a social network.  If that doesn’t encourage scholarly excellence, I don’t know what does.  Still, while I’m not sure if graduate students qualify or not, I could use an extra 20K.  Here’s 10 tweets in an attempt to chase the prize:
I ate your macaroni and cheese once, had the squirts for a week but still passed a final #KFCscholar
I wore a Colonel Sanders tie to prom #KFCscholar
What you call creativity I call playing with your food #KFCscholar
Even as a little kid I knew which state you guys started in #KFCscholar
Because I happen to collect undernourished chickens that can be yours if…#KFCscholar
Because I can taste the difference between you guys and a Hungry Man #KFCscholar
Because the combination-Pizza-Hut-Taco-Bell song is always first on my iPod playlist #KFCscholar
Because I always remembered to pick up something for the dog, pay it forward! #KFCscholar
Because I can write more than 140 characters #KFCscholar
Because my dietary choices are well-informed enough to never eat your product #KFCscholar

Ron is a comedian and writer that has returned to Pittsburgh after blowing-up comedy in Seattle, WA.

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