Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Letter to Ben Roethlisberger - BILL CRAWFORD

DEAR BEN,
Here's a tip, when giving your SECOND public statement surrounding a sexual assault case against you, try not to look like a rapist. I know its difficult for you and that you have come a long way from the Phat Farm dress shirts and Penny Hardaway high-tops look you had going when you first entered the league (I am willing to believe that the devil tee-shirt was borrowed), but couldn't you have at least shaved? Put on a three-piece suit? Not had a ridiculously greased back Rick Flair mullet? I was so nervous you were going to end your apology by screaming "WOOOOOOO!" that I almost didn't notice your total lack of sincerity. I've seen more heart felt apologies on Sober House II. Next time you allegedly assault a chick in a bathroom somewhere, you might as well let Dog the Bounty Hunter make your statement for you. The way your look is going, people may not even realize that a swap has been made. Just have him read it in the first person and tell him to think about dropping n-bombs to get him emotional. All Bounty Hunting aside, I think we both know that there is only one way to make sure there isn't a next time Ben: STOP ACTING LIKE A JAGOFF!

Seriously dude, you have a 100 million dollar potential net worth, you are the face of the most storied franchise in football, and you live in a city where people literally rely on the Steelers for hope and happiness in their lives. No one is saying you can't have fun, but do you really need to be in a dirt bag college bar in some po-dunk town in Georgia getting blowies in a urine-puddled restroom? Your judgment is extremely questionable at best, and its time to take a look in that fogged up bathroom mirror that has confederate flag stickers and nazi quotes written all over it. You may not be guilty of rape, but you have to be responsible for the situations you put yourself in. You need to realize that your legacy and our collective future cannot afford to be put in some jager-bombed 20 year old's hands. So please STOP ACTING LIKE A JAGOFF!

Read the rest of the letter HERE at TALENT NETWORK news!

Check out more about Billy Crawford HERE!

Billy Crawford is a comedian from PIttsburgh who can be seen all over the region & can be heard on WDVE Morning Show.

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